The Rules of Cafè Musain
by dancergrl1
Summary: When Les Amis aren't at rallies or stirring up trouble for the police, there's one marble man who they love to stir up trouble for instead. This is a set of rules that Enjolras creates as the meetings progress. Slight Enjonine, nothing awful. Just humor and Courfeyrac being...well, Courfeyrac.
1. The List

The Rules of Cafè Musain:

1. You may not interrupt Enjolras to tell a story.

2. You may not yell across the room 'Marble Man' or 'Apollo' and get Enjolras' attention.

3. If you upset Joly, you deal with all of the fallout, including facing Bossuet and Musichetta

4. If you give Gavroche sugar, you deal with the high and the crash. Alone.

5. If you insist on running indoors, do not, ever, run circles around Grantaire when he is drunk

6. Do not whisper "The god Apollo has fallen." When Enjolras misses a meeting.

7. You MAY NOT fight at rallies, even when an Ami is injured.

8. You cannot challenge anyone to a drinking duel while at a meeting.

9. If you bring Gavroche, you are in charge of keeping him entertained. (Not annoying Enjolras)

10. If you come in singing, talking, blabbering, interrupting, humming, or any other action, about love, the slap delivered by Eponine will be well-deserved, and met with no sympathy.


	2. Rule 1

_**A/N: So, here is my attempt at a multi-chapter story! It's basically general humor, nothing awful, no triggers. Enjolras being himself, he does get frustrated with the mastermind, but alas, this is the curse of Courfeyrac. Enjoy! If you have any ideas for rules, leave a review or PM me! This was beta'd by RThenardier, who is an amazing writer and person! Give her a read! **_

"Citizens, we must raise the minimum wage! If mother and child cannot live above poverty, this world is not free! Minimum wage may be the fall of this country! People must be-" He's cut off by Courfeyrac yelling "You didn't seen to mind minimum wage when you found that McD's girl in your room!" Eponine turns bright red in the course of a few seconds, and smacks Courfeyrac, rather hard. Gavroche and the Amis who didn't know this story jump up, and start chanting "Story! Story! Story!"

Courfeyrac begins the rather embarrassing story. "It was the end of finals, and our Apollo had just finished. Instead of joining his fellow students in the time-honored tradition of drinking exams away, he returned to his room, only to find a surprise waiting for him. A lovely, dark-haired girl from our local McDonald's. She awaited him, eagerly." He stopped. He wasn't quite sure of the next piece. "'Ferre, can you go on? I know he told you!" Combeferre sighed, but agreed.

"He sat on something when he took off his shoes. The girl. He was surprised, but everything came out in the resulting conversation. Unfortunately for our prankster, however, he had to face Enjolras." he summarized quickly.

Eponine and Enjolras were red in the face. Enjolras stood up on the table. "That's it. New meeting rule: Don't interrupt me to tell a story. Ever."


	3. Rule 2

_**So, here's another rule for you guys. I'm sorry this is so late in coming, but it's been really crazy. I started a new school, and it's a lot of college-level classes. It's nuts, but it's 10 times better than my old school. Anyways, on with the story!**_

**Rule 2: Do not yell "Apollo" or "Marble Man" Acrosss the room and expect to get Enjolras' attention.**

"Hey! Apollo!" slurred a drunken Grantaire from across the room. Enjolras turned from his planning, annoyed at the nickname and with the man calling him such.

"What, drunkard?" he asked bitterly. He did not have time for this, this drunk to interrupt the planning for his revolution. There was no time to waste.

"Nothing." he mumbled drunkenly. Only after Enjolras turned away did Bossuett pat his shoulder comfortingly. He understood.

"Ah, the marble man has arrived. Oh Man of Marble! Marble Man! Do you see us all down here from that grand pedestal!" Courfeyrac, equally as drunk as Grantaire on the night of celebration-although for what Enjolras had no idea- yelled across the cafe.

"Courfeyrac, what have we said about calling me that?" Enjolras ground out from between his teeth.

"Uh..." Courfeyrac actually had to think about it.

"Never mind, you fool." Enjolras said bitterly. He was tired of all of this drink.

He saw Eponine coming towards him, and he groaned internally. This was shaping up to be a less-than-stellar night.

"You know," she said as she sidled up next to him. "They may stop if you didn't fall for it hook, line, and sinker every time they did it. It's the reaction that gets to them every time. They love seeing you get flustered with them, although why I couldn't tell you. Probably because you are a man who shows very little emotion." She finished. He turned back to planning with Combeferre.

"You know, she could be right." Combeferre said quietly.

Enjolras shook his head. He had no time to worry about the nicknames. Patria was calling.

The next meeting, Grantaire was at it again. "Apollo!"

Enjolras didn't stir.

"Apollo!" he tried again. Still nothing.

"'Taire. Watch this." Courfeyrac stage-whispered next to him.

"Marble Man, do grace us with your undying wit and wonderful ideas!"

Enjolras still said nothing.

Suddenly, both of their phones buzzed.

_Meeting rule #2: Do not yell "Apollo" or "Marble Man" Acrosss the room and expect to get Enjolras' attention._

**So, thoughts? Don't forget to review/PM ideas for rules!**


	4. Rules 3&6

_**So, slight rearrangement of the list. I combined rules 3&6 in this chapter, so they sort of make more sense. I hope you enjoy it!**_

"Guys, have you noticed who's missing today?" Joly said worriedly. Courfeyrac, Feuilly, and Grantaire look around. Unfortunately, I see the wheels in Courfeyrac's mind turning. "Courf..." I say warningly. It's too late. "Perhaps, Joly, he's home with a new plague! He could've infected these papers!" Joly starts hyperventilating and his eyes are full of fear. "Courfeyrac!" Bossuett yells. "You're dealing with it," I say smoothly. I hide my smirk as he groans. "'Suett, he did it, he deals with it. You'll get your piece." I say quietly and calmly. His temper, when lit, was hearly as hard to control as Gavroche on a sugar high. I see the tension in his shoulders relax, and I pat his shoulder.

After 15 minutes, Courfeyrac's humor has returned Joly's personality, and after Courfeyrac has retrieved his drink, he looks to Grantaire and thinks for a moment before asking him "R, where is Apollo tonight?" I groan, because there are days when Courfeyrac needs to learn control. Grantaire levels a dark glare at Courfeyrac, and mutters just as darkly "The god Apollo has fallen." I make a hasty retreat, not wanting to be there any longer, listening to these two bicker all night. I do wonder, however, what had happened to my best friend.

I hear Enjolras' bed creaking from the hallway outside his apartment, rather, his single-room rented space, and as I enter, I see him twisted in his sheets, soaked in sweat. Clearly, he is sick. "Mon dieu. Just, mon dieu."

By the next meeting, Enjolras is whole again and there are 2 rules being thought up. "Courf!" he yells as he enters. I see the prankster in question swallow. "New rule: If you upset Joly, you deal with the fallout. Another one: Do not say "the god Apollo has fallen" when I miss a meeting. It is going to happen!" "Sorry," Courfeyrac mutters. He shuffles closer, and I chuckle. I don't doubt that it will indeed happen again.

_**So, in this, Enjolras does rearrange the rules in order of importance as he sees them. I do plan on combining some, and don't forget to review or PM ideas you might have!**_


	5. Rule 4

**_A/N: Hey, everyone. Sorry this took a while to get up, I've been really busy with school and a particularly hard statistics class. Anyways, here's chapter 5!_**

"Enjolras. Enjolras. Enjolras. Enjy. Enjy. Enjy. Anj-Enj. Enj-Enj. Enjy. Enjolras. I'm bored. I'm tired. Will you quiz me? Please? Ooh, no, let's play 20 questions. Enjolras, please?" Gavroche was running circles around Enjolras' table, and bugging him with a thousand questions. "Gavroche…Who brought you tonight?"

"Courf, because he's really cool. Yeah, he's super cool. He brings me to these meetings, and he lets me stay in his apartment, too. And what else? Ooh, he gets me stuff, and he and I talk all the time. He also lets me be free and independent, like going to the elephant and whatever. He's really cool. He got me-"

"Gavroche!"

The young boy stopped midsentence.

"Go get Courfeyrac. Now!" he said, adding the last part through gritted teeth.

Gavroche ran off, taking an incredibly complicated route through the maze of tables and chairs. He returned, practically dragging Courfeyrac behind him. "Courfeyrac…" Enjolras growled. Courfeyrac swallowed hard. He had forgotten that it was midterm season, and Enjolras was short on patience, for everyone. "Take him. Now." Courfeyrac wasted no time in piggybacking the boy and making a hasty exit from the café. Not three seconds later, there was a group message.

_Enjolras: New Rule: If you bring Gavroche, you are in charge of keeping him entertained._

_Courfeyrac: Yes sir._

**_So, thoughts? As always, review or PM me your ideas, especially as we get closer to the end of my ideas!_**


	6. Rule 5

_**A/N: SO here is another chapter, just about a week after last! I have had this one written since I came up with this story. I really hope you guys enjoy reading about Gavroche's antics. As always, PM me your ideas!**_

XXX

"Gavroche, sit down. Gavroche! Gavroche! GAVROCHE! SIT DOWN. NOW!" yelled Enjolras, frustrated.

Gavroche, never having heard Enjolras get that angry with him, meekly sat. "Sorry. It's just the weather, we had to stay in the Elephant and we get antsy."

Enjolras' face softened. "I know. But there's not a lot of room in here. And I was about to start, and you know I get stressed out." Gavroche nodded. "After?" Enjolras laughed, and Gavroche knew he had won.

As Enjolras began his speech, Gavroche sat wiggling in his seat, still too energized to sit completely still. Courfeyrac's attempts at distracting him weren't working, as he continued to stare intently at the clock. After about a half-hour (Enjolras kept it short for the sake of the boy) Gavroche ran over to him. "Now?" Enjolras nodded. Gavroche took off towards Grantaire. Enjolras sat back at his laptop, working but also watching the youngster.

"'Taire, can you get up?" Grantaire mutely did as the boy asked, he was too far gone to know why.

Gavroche led him to a relatively open space in the café, and had him stand perfectly still. Then he began running in circles around Grantaire. He ran, and Grantaire turned around and around trying to follow him, except, in his inebriated state, he was not coordinated enough to walk a few steps, let alone turn in circles again and again trying to follow a 10-year-old boy. Courfeyrac, well on his way to pleasantly buzzed, realized what Gavroche was doing and sniggered. Enjolras himself could not contain the smile that ghosted hid features as he sat back to enjoy the spectacle. Combeferre was concerned about Grantaire hitting his head when the inevitable happened, and the rest were distracted by Marius' love story, even Bahorel and Feuilly, who usually enjoyed a good spectacle. Enjolras turned back just before Grantaire fell.

"Oops," Gavroche said, unsurprised.

"'Taire? R? Can you hear me?" Grantaire grunted, and Combeferre sat on his heels, pleased that he was not unconscious. "Gavroche, what were-you know what? Never mind. Just…never mind."

Enjolras, who did not want to show his feelings, decided that there was a very Enjolras-like way to do it. "New rule: If you insist on running indoors, do not, ever, run circles around Grantaire when he is drunk."

_**So, thoughts? Hope you like it! If you have any ideas-seriously, any-review them or PM me!**_


	7. Rule 7

_**A/N: I'm trying to stay on the upload-on-Wednesday schedule, I hope you guys like getting them. Thank you again for following this story, and reading my other ones. Don't forget to PM me ideas for rules! Please! They really will turn into stories!**_

_**Also, there is some coarse language in here. I will warn you now. Also, implications of the beginning of a panic attack.**_

XXX

"The people who cannot live above the poverty line barely live! Citizens, protest the minimum wage! We must fight to raise it, and save the men, women, and CHILDREN! Yes, CHILDREN, who live in poverty and sometimes, do not know where their next meal may come from, or even when it's going to come! They have no hope for the future, where every cost rises! Why must our economy remain stagnant and stale, while inflation booms prices! You may be next! Who knows where this problem will hit next? WE MUST RAISE MINIMUM WAGE!" Enjolras finishes, his face a fiery red. Eponine looked up at him, but his face had fallen and he was focused far past her head. He had noticed a commotion in the back of the crowd, where Jehan, Courfeyrac, and-COMBEFERRE! - his mind yelled at him. "Oh, god, 'Ferre, oh God, please be OK, I can't take it when you get hurt, please be OK." He mumbled to himself, as if he was in a trance.

"Enjolras. Enjolras! ENJOLRAS! GODDAMMIT JULIEN FUCKING ENJOLRAS LOOK AT ME!" Eponine yelled, fed up and letting her temper and nerves get the better of her.

"Ponine, it's 'Ferre. It's my older brother, I have to go, let me go, please Eponine, let me go, please just let me go, Eponine. Let me go, 'Ponine, LET ME GO! LET ME THE FUCK GO!" he roared, looking all the time for his older brother.

"Enjolras, stop fighting me. We have to go. We have to go NOW. We can't stay and look for him. He'll meet back up with us. I promise. C'mon, we have to go now." Eponine unceremoniously dragged him away from the circus that had erupted, and he fought her the entire way.

XXX

In the back of the crowd, Courfeyrac sensed it a second before he saw the fist fly towards Combeferre. "'Ferre!" He choked out. Combeferre turned just in time to avoid the fist aiming for him. Instead it hit gentle, lanky Jehan, and it hit him in the back of the head. Courfeyrac saw red. Nobody screwed with his best friend. "OI! YOU THERE! GET BACK OVER HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, NOT A COWARD RUNNING AWAY!" He yelled at the man's retreating back. Clearly, his elegance did not extend to grammar and his wording, but…the intention was there.

The man flew back towards Courfeyrac, and the man took a punch to the chest. He responded with an stiff uppercut to the jaw, met with a swift kick to the shins. The man yelled in pain, and Courfeyrac, determined to truly have the last word, gave him a kick to his other shin, and walked away. "Jehan? Prouvaire? Hey, bud, can you hear me?" Thankfully, he hadn't been hit too badly, and Combeferre had already hauled him out of the line of fire. "Courf, he's fine, but we need to go now. Enjolras is sure to be a mess because I'm back here. We have to go. C'mon, before we get caught. Let's go!" he yelled, trying to get his curly-haired friend to focus.

Courfeyrac nodded blankly, and they hung Jehan between them. The odd trio limped off towards the inconspicuous apartment they all chipped in rent for as a safehouse, and hoped everyone else would be there too.

XXX

"Enjolras. Breathe. That's it, just breathe for me. C'mon, it's going to be OK." Eponine was worried about the leader; she'd never seen him this stressed out before. He was close to panicking, actually. Eponine had been trying to get him to calm down in one of the bedrooms that they had in their safe house, and so far the only saving grace was the rest of the Amis understood why she had shooed them out of the room.

"Enjolras." A new voice whispered, soft and slow and understandable.

"Combeferre." Eponine breathed. She had never been so relieved to see him.

"'Ferre?" Enjolras questioned, almost hopefully.

Combeferre just carded his hand through his curls as a response, and Enjolras' breathing slowed down a lot. Eponine left the room, but the two men didn't realize it.

"Breathe, ma petit frére. I'm right here. I always come back, don't I? I always come back. I'm never going to leave." Combeferre soothed, knowing his little brother's fears from years of sharing an apartment with him after leaving his family.

"Never…do that…again, please, 'Ferre, I can't lose you, please, next time stay with me, please just stay where I can see you and keep you out of trouble."

"I promise to do my best. Rest, now, you've really overstressed your body."

"Stay?" he asked like a young child.

"Of course."

XXX

At the next meeting, Enjolras had another rule that he decided was going into effect immediately. "New rule: You may not fight with at a rally, even if an Ami is injured or hit."

Eponine and Combeferre's eyes met across the room. They knew perfectly well why that rule had been thought of.

_**A/N: Thoughts? Ideas?**_


End file.
